Sunday, April 15, 2012

The lighthouse vision

Hello everybody!!
Sorry for not writing this blog for over two weeks but have been in Lake Titicaca climbing mountains, swimming in the lake, hunting for ducks, drinking tequilas and having a vision that has now crystallised into this.So I am posting it here in the hope all of you will somehow send it on to other people and this Lighthouse will be created in a magical, beautiful way as it it so needed. So I shall write no more and ask you to take the time to read this.

The Lighthouse.

The vision is a Lighthouse – a centre of communication, creativity and vibrational medicine whose purpose is to expand the consciousness of individuals on their healing path and assist them to awaken to the inherent power we all have - the power to heal ourselves.

We create our world through our thoughts and our imagination. When we have healthy thoughts our world is healthy and when our thoughts are sad and painful we manifest that pain in our lives and ultimately in our bodies in a thousand different ways. It is very simple but what is way more complex and challenging is how do we transform those unhealthy, vibrational thought and language patterns that most of us grew up with and are embedded deep in our cellular memory?

It has been said that “every phrase that leaves your lips is a universe that you create. Every articulated sentence is a universe, every spoken word is a world along with its sun, and every sound is a planet, an earth full of life. Be aware, that in truth you are a god to the words that you utter. They create and support worlds that you cannot even imagine but that you may no longer ignore.”

The intention of the Lighthouse is that through the latest chiropractic techniques, vibrational medicine from sacred healing plants, and working with Shamans of integrity, communication experts and top quality healers and creators, visitors will leave with a whole new paradigm vision of their body and their mind - a vision that will inspire them to remember that we are fabulously powerful creators of our own unique paths and we are full of immense power and light, light that we can use not only to heal ourselves but all those around us. Symbolically, spending time at The Lighthouse would be like giving someone a map and sending them on their path with more confidence and awareness of the innate, beautiful intelligence that we all possess.

The Lighthouse is not a “New Age” centre, nor a “Clinic” nor even a “Healing Centre”.   It will be a space of profound play, passion and purpose – the purpose ultimately assisting individuals to create more healthy and whole lives. Where this first Lighthouse is to be created is still a mystery waiting to be revealed but it will be by the sea. Yet in the wings, slowly are emerging individuals of great integrity, with immense gifts, who will be part of this vision. The Lighthouse has already been created … it is simply a question of moving towards it with total faith.

I know that it will manifest and so I have used my “cancer” as a gift- a gift of my own transformation that will ultimately assist in the transformation of others. This is my path and I have made a conscious choice not to walk away even, though for many dark nights, I have been full of doubt of my ability to create this. The doubts have now gone (well almost!) and from a vision by the shores of Lake Titicaca I know now without any doubt, I have transformed my cancer. I am healed and now my path is dedicated to assist the healing of others.

The Lighthouse can and will be created.

What I am asking from all of you who will receive this letter is that you “sponsor” me for the next six months as I strengthen my physical body and empower my mind to an even greater level. Through working with the very latest ideas of quantum healing and continuing the profound homeopathic work which I have been doing for the past five years, the pathways to my brain have  been transforming and have slowly led to my healing. All I learn, in the next months, as I explore deeper and deeper the workings of the mind and body through the healing techniques available to me here in Peru and the work I will be doing with three American quantum and energetic healers, David McKenzie  and his partner Susan Perkins and Dr John Emerson  and my homeopath Dr Antonio Anguren (see website details below) will only serve, in the future, all those who are walking their own healing paths.

I ask you to open your hearts and assist me in this final stage of what has been a long, long journey. Cancer has touched everyone’s life but if this new way of healing could become more accessible with more and more individuals realizing that the power of the mind connected to the heart and conscious intention could truly heal the body then, wow! how amazing would that be! So I invite you to join me on this journey and add your magic so that The Lighthouse can become a reality and very soon!!
Initial funds that you send will be used for….

Rent at ten dollars a night to pay for hostel in Peru.
Quantum treatments at $100  a week.
Medicinal plants and treatments from Peru $200 a month.
Food etc $150 a month.

At a later date I will need funds to go to Europe and the States to give talks with my book and spread the message of this new way of healing. Thus all funds received will be used for the creation of my transformation and for The Lighthouse Foundation. You can join me for all the adventures of this journey, the ups and the downs through reading my blog (I will be changing the title of my blog as it no longer seems appropriate but until I have the technical skills to do so you can read about it the above address!!)

I ask you to send this to anyone you know who has had cancer or who has a friend or member of their family who has suffered and knows what depths it takes for healing to occur. The more people who know about this journey the more hope and healing it will spread. There are a million ways to heal just as there are a million ways to die…it is simply a question of choice. I passionately believe that we can no longer ignore the worlds that we create with our thoughts and our own thoughts create the very limitation of our lives. One way to truly heal is to go into the very darkest places of our minds and heal the shadows. It takes much work and much courage and I know The Lighthouse will be a place to inspire people to take those first steps into the journey of their mind, shedding light upon the shadows and in doing so transforming their lives. It truly works…. I know, because I am still down here and will not be leaving for many, many years!!

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to read about this vision. And thank you for opening your hearts to sponsor me in this adventure.
Yours very sincerely,
Emily Hilton.
Funds can be sent to:

Dorothy Hilton Rubin (until my name is formally changed my bank details are under my old name)
Calle Parellades 40

ES9220590444050000096388 IBAN 

See blog:
Book: Cancer Healed Me by Emily Hilton available on Amazon and
New book: Follow your Bliss if not what’s the point?
Soon to be available on Lulu.
Website of other vision created (home for adolescent mothers Cusco, Peru)

Dr Antonio Anguren.

David Mckenzie.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Oh for a Pina colada!!

Hello from my little guest house in Pisac,

Oh for a Pina colada or a Margarita or some vast delicious bar of chocolate. This healing business can be so so intense and tonight as I sit here writing this I truly wish I was sipping some fabulous cocktail and listening to a jazz band. There are moments when it could be so easy to simply give up, let life bring me what it will and then suddenly someone´s story touches your soul so deeply that you think, hey my life is truly a bowl of cherries compared to so many. So away with the victim stuff and let me tell you the most profoundly sad story I have ever heard. And I have a hope it will have a happy ending.

The other night I was in a restaurant with John watching football of all things and I began a conversation with a couple on the next table, to keep this short I told them about John´s work as a chiropractor. The man had back troubles and agreed to come for an appointment. Well again keeping it short he never turned up but he told a friend of his about John and she came to visit with her Mother. The Mother looked utterly desperate and sitting downstairs with me in the courtyard she opened her heart telling me she no longer wanted to live. Two years ago she had been involved in a huge flood in this village where many people had died. As the river broke its banks she was working with a group of friends and eight of them drowned. She was saved but because she was the head of the group who were responsible for cleaning the river the people of the town felt she was responsible fro their deaths and began a legal process against her. She was traumatised, her body unable to control its shaking and its fear, and she fell into a depression too afraid to walk into the streets to hear the cruel words thrown at her from the towns people. 

Her life is in ruins and watching the tears fall down her sad cheeks my heart just went out to this stranger. We talked for a little while and I promised I would work with her every week if she truly truly felt she wanted to live. John gave her a treatment and promised to give her two a week for something like five dollars. Between us I have this feeling of hope, that somehow this woman can change her story and begin her life again. I know it may sound naive but at the same time I know she is upon my path to share a little of all I have learnt in the past five years. And for me she was a yet another lesson.... to truly feel, every day,  gratitude for all the help and love that constantly surrounds me. My life is indeed so rich and when I hear a story like this it always acts as a wake-up call for me to remember just how blessed I am. This week alone so many people have contacted me with such love and support as I attempt this transformation. Even my brother who has not been in contact for ages is now going to help me with this transition. And my cousin John and Col my amazing fairy godmother hold out their hands and hearts constantly with such love and support that it is overwhelming.

I know, that every story no matter how deeply sad, has a gift but wow sometimes the stories are so unbelievably dark that to help this woman find a gift within all this pain will not be easy. If I can do it then maybe at last I am becoming whole and healed and this journey of deep introspection and not drinking pina coladas and having fun might just hold an amazing gift not only for her but for me as well. Maybe at last I am ready to give back a little of all that I have received. I shall tell you how the story unfolds.

So now I shall go to bed. It has been a long rich day in this little town in the Andes! I hope that your day wherever you spent it was rich and wonderful and I shall now leave you until the next time.

With much love to you all Emilyxxx

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Healing in Pisac

Hello everyone!
A big apology for having not been in touch for a little while. My wonderful friend, pinky luscious sent me an e mail quietly telling me I should give my news more often otherwise everyone will think I have disappeared into the jungle and been eaten by a  crocodile or whatever!! But no, I am high up in the Andes, and simply  transforming my dis-ease into more and more light. I am totally ignoring all the death like grumblings from the shamans and anyone else and know deep, deep in my soul that I will not be disappearing from this wonderful planet for a long, long time. I have my vision of my Lighthouse to create which is almost ready to send out and many other things to give and share with those who are facing this gift, for that is truly how I see it every day. I am full of gratitude for the wild path I walk and though at times it is super hard yet he gifts always present themselves upon my path.

I am sending my wild tumor back to the light from where it came through working with a magical light box lent to me by my friend John. I find it quite extraordinary that in my book "Cancer healed me" I kept repeating over and over again how I wanted "Lolita" to return to the light and now she is going, of this I have no doubt. I see the change in the tissue every evening. And when I changed my homeopathic remedy to lead, I received the message that I was full of life and not going anywhere so there we go. Thus pinky, any fears you have about me put them to one side and go and drink a fabulous glass of red wine sitting on your white sofa in your beautiful kitchen that I miss so much!!

And what else to tell you of my life here in the mountains? It is a time of deep introspection, working with the quantum aspect of healing of shifting the neurological pathways to the brain and quietly telling the brain that I am perfect, healed and not going anywhere!! So I mediate intensively, write my vision and work gently on the old, ancient dark patterns that still exist in my cellular memory and some days arise like a tsunami bathing me in a sad pain that I look at as an old friend, treat with respect and then let go back to the light. These dark patterns have to be totally eradicated for a new,healthy, fabulous me to appear and for this reason I am quietly letting go of the name of Dot and embracing my new name Emily Hilton. So please as much as you all can try and begin to think of me as Emily and when you write and talk of me call me by new name. As I told Jane, at least I didn´t choose, Rainbow or Shanti Om, but for me, Emily rings with a confidence and light that never worked with Dot.. please help me in this new transformation by embracing this. Thank you. It may sound crazy to many of you but part of this new creation of pathways to the brain is almost like creating a new personality. The essence of me obviously will stay the same but as I work away at breaking those old patterns there will be way more light and power and authenticity in my new walk which has so many wonderful things to be explore and discover.

Of course in so many ways I would far rather be drinking a glass of wine, chatting with my friends, creating and laughing but I know I have to accept this solitary moment and see it for all the gifts it is bringing me. So that is it for the moment. I now need to go and eat and take some time to wander up the mountain to the humming bird field. It as filled with glorious orange flowers and at certain times of the day you can see maybe over 50 humming birds...quite magical.

Wherever you all are I think of you and send you so much love. All of my magic friends are in my heart and always will be even if for a few days I dont´t write. So remember that Pinky and have that glass of wine. And that goes for everyone..go and have a fabulous glass of wine tonight and celebrate who you are and where you are and the magic of life!xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Expect the Unexpected!!

Hello from Pisac, Peru and not the jungle!
I think it is nearly impossible to write all that has happened to me in the past five days since the last blog posting. I don't know where to begin and as I am trying so hard to focus and keep in the present perhaps the best thing is for me to simply say that the jungle journey has been postponed and instead I am having, tonight, a minor jungle experience here in the mountains. I will be having an Ahayuasca ceremony with a beautiful female shaman called Karen, a ceremony where my intention is to simply connect on a way deeper level with God, the light, the source of my own healing power and now surrender to wherever this journey is to lead me.

This morning as I was reading in the little monastic cell in the guest house where I am now staying I found this...

If you have been trying to heal a disease or defect in your physical body forget these efforts and  be at peace. Ignore such appearances as best you can and lie back singing in the everlasting arms. The healing will come spontaneously as your consciousness floats upward to touch the edge of mine.

I find these words extraordinary and they seem to resonate with how I am now feeling. I am at peace, more than at peace, I am truly full of joy and I just want to let my laughter bubble up even more. I am no longer choosing to go racing around for a cure, a fix,  or an end to this process. What I have learnt and gained is beyond words and now the story has to change. So I am changing it tonight with this ceremony. I know change does not happen overnight but I do believe you can have a mega conscious click of clarity and that is already happening to me.

So I shall no longer listen to the fears and dramas of others. I know my body better than any physician I have encountered and despite being told the cancer is in my bones, my lungs, my lymph system and there is something wrong with my head, I feel fabulous!! So as long as I am feeling like this then I shall take life again in my arms, reclaim my power and put all my energy into creating a healing centre wherever I am guided to do so. The how and the where and the money and all the details are not my problem for I know if this is to be manifested through me then it will be. So I am turning a page and beginning a new chapter. I have no idea how many chapters there will be nor how many pages are in my book of life but I shall turn a new page every day filling it with as much love and laughter and joy as I possibly can for this is the only way I can now walk.

I know I will leave perhaps a few friends by the wayside who cannot or will not understand the way I am dealing with this but it is my walk and no one else´s and I shall walk it in the very best way I can. None of us know when our last day will be upon this incredible planet but thanks to the gift of all that has happened to me or maybe all I have created I have the chance, for the remaining time I am down here, to live a dance with death and life in a way I have never danced before. And no one is going to stop this dance with their fears and doubts and their shadow stuff which blocks the light I feel so strongly inside me. 

I will create a Light House somewhere on this planet, a place where people who can be nurtured, respected and honoured for choosing a wilder path of healing which so few people truly understand. This is pioneer stuff but what a fantastic way to end my time down here creating this vision and who knows, through the creation of it I may be down here for years and years and still be writing this blog!! You never know. Life is a total mystery for all of us and the past few days have shown me that more than ever. I should have been in Spain by now or even in the jungle but no,  I am here, in the mountains and who knows what is going to happen to me tomorrow!! I have learnt to expect the unexpected and welcome it into my life and I suggest it might be a good idea for you as well to do the same!! I tell you one thing for sure, life is never boring.

So until I write again I wish you a wonderful evening and hope that loads of unexpected things creep into your life tomorrow too!!!
With love Emilyxxxx

Monday, March 5, 2012

The amazing power of thought!

Hello from yes, the pretty dress shop!
I am now beginning to think that this is the best possible place for me to retreat to during this surreal passage of my wild journey. It is the absolute contrast of all that awaits me so I shall enjoy sloshing myself with fabulous perfume and meditating in the beautiful changing rooms and creating a new look for myself every day! Oh and to let you know, the pink hair is now a fabulous golden colour which is what I had envisaged in the first place. I returned to the salon and basically told Alex, the divino hair dresser, that I was unhappy and with grace and charm he changed it and now I feel totally ready for the jungle. No one can go to the jungle with pink hair, I might have been mistaken for a parrot and shot!

So to fill you in. Yesterday, Sunday, was yet another surreal day. Kerry left without giving me keys.  I couldn't go out and so I hung out in my room, did a load of yoga, meditated and meditated until I was positively bursting with joy and then I lay on the floor devouring a book and don't laugh, called "Evolve your brain." I have no idea why I have taken so long to think about evolving my brain but believe me this book is mind blowing,  full of the most amazing information to do with healing and changing brain patterns which obviously affect the body etc. I  found this quote and want to share it here.

"We have the capacity to rewire our brain because we are capable of making a thought more real to us than anything else in the universe."

This quote  gives me goose bumps. Read it again very slowly and take in the full impact of these profound words. They are tremendous, more tremendous than you can possibly get your brain around! We can climb mountains with our thoughts and create worlds upon worlds, we can heal and destroy with them, love and hate, do anything we wish. Have you any idea how powerful this could be if we all used our thoughts with their utmost potential? I find it the most creative, wild, joyous thing and I intend to travel to the jungle with one, huge, magic thought in my mind and heart..... to heal these tumors and send them back to the light from where they came from. And with the help of my light beam, amazing wonderful amigo, John, who is coming me, I know we can do this together. How lucky and blessed I am to be on this wild adventure with someone by my side. We talked tonight for ages as the "universe" blocked the public phone and so we could chat for ages without him having to pay a cent! And so at last we could catch up on all that has happened in our individual worlds. He is in Pisac and me down here in the pretty dress shop but for each of us this journey has its own unique implications and we both have to honor the others path. Wow this is beyond surreal! And I am over the moon with gratitude for his gift in accompanying on this journey of discovery.

But I really want to say something that feels so important to me. My journey is your journey too, all the possibilities of creativity, expansion, trust, healing are your path too, mine is no different. So all the information I am sharing with you, why not use it to bring more light and joy and creativity into your lives?? We all have the capacity to take a thought and make it a reality, I know this and you know it too. So I ask you this, why do we waste so much of our lives on crappy, self defeating, small thoughts when we could all be so much more? Why do we waste the preciousness of our tiny moment down here "sweating the small stuff" when there is so much to marvel at, to create to love, to bless to live, to sing?? Please from the bottom of my heart I wish so much that you think about these extraordinary words for a thought with conscious intention and love and trust can becomes whatever we are thinking about.
And just to end on a total high think about this one!!

"The power that made the body heals the body".

So if we can connect to that power, then that power can heal us. I can't write anymore, I am blowing up as I think about this! So until tomorrow!

With much love Emily. xxxxxxx

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Patience..... for this is Peru!

Hello from the lovely dress shop!
If ever you wanted to learn patience big time then I suggest a visit to Peru!! Nothing ever goes as you plan it and so you learn to take each day at a time and never plan too far ahead. So now the Shaman meeting is next Tuesday with both Shamans, the Maestro and Alberto his assistant. Each day they continue to work on me and I am beginning to feel very strange, tired, quiet, and solitary with gentle shifts in my physical body.  All very weird but I have surrendered totally to this process and can only follow my heart which tells me I am exactly where I have to be and somewhere all is perfect, despite the feeling of every day being so surreal!

But tomorrow, Paula, another wonderful friend of mine and Kerry's is in town and she will be great to see, a wild woman full of life and wisdom. I met both her and Kerry four years ago when I was in the jungle for the first adventure and we have remained friends ever since. Maybe our time together was so profound that the connection stays with us and for this stage of this strange journey I couldn't be around any other people. They are creative, adventurous, strong women and along with Heidi and Tira who have arranged all this for me I feel protected and guided. If you want to see the film they are making then look it up on U tube.. "When two worlds Collide". It is strange how the title makes me think of how now, two different worlds are colliding - the world of Western medicine and Quantum Physics colliding with the ancient world of shamanism. Yet instead of colliding in conflict, which is the subject of Heidi's  and Tira's film, this collision, I hope, will create a wondrous healing and from this, influence and help other people who wish to heal in their own unique way.

Though for now all I am dealing with is this weird feeling of being in No man's Land, a twilight zone where I have to patiently wait for the next directions of where I have to go. Letting go of my ticket has thrown me a little and if this is all yet another lesson about being in The now then I reckon I have now passed the test and can move on to something else!! 

I can't write anymore for now, I have no inspiration. So I wish you all a magical week end until I write again with the next installment!!
With much love and thanks for following this story and being so wonderful, especially a big thanks to pinky luscious for her magic e mail this morning!xxxxxx

Friday, March 2, 2012

The jungle story begins here in Lima!

Hello from Kerry's dress shop!
This shop is now my grounding in "this world" as the jungle adventure seems to have begun! So let me explain. Last night, I knew I had to somehow  move through the final fear barrier and so, which is remarkable for me, I decided to do some research on the Internet. I was looking at the links between quantum physics and healing and by chance, if chance exists, up came a site with this huge article plastered all over its opening page..."Why Shamanism Works". I read it out loud to Kerry and danced around her shop in delight. It was the most amazing positive article linking shamanstic practices with the quantum field and how incredible healings could and do take place with gifted Shamans. Then to follow up on this idea I briefly checked out the website on Matrix Energetics, a form of healing which I once explored in San Diego and found this....

"The product of your imagined outcome can encode and imprint on consciousness in such a way that  physical observable changes become the product. You are creating an altered state, a different reality which you energize  and give life to with your active imagination."

This completely links to the world of Shamanism for with their rituals you enter a total different reality and with conscious intention can effect the outcome of whatever you are dealing with. I know this now, with no doubts, and I know that going to the jungle and consciously working in the ceremonies with powerful intentions will reduce  my tumors and complete my healing on the physical plane. But I have not yet finished my story, I have hardly begun. Get this......

So I went to bed elated and full of excitement and in the morning woke up with very strange pains, pains that I had never really before experienced, yet despite the pain I felt on a total high. At breakfast, Kerry informed me that yesterday her friends had called Maestro Femine and he had begun to work on me during the night! He told them exactly what kind of cancer I had, how many tumors and what was now happening to me physically. This knowledge came from thousands of miles away without seeing or talking to me and with no information on my condition. The Maestro only knew my name!!!!! So you see the jungle story is beginning here in Lima! And in the chic hairdressers where I went for a haircut, it felt as if tiny healing darts were being shot at me from the selva! Truly!  So clutching my breast and watching my hair go a kind of weird pink colour, I drank gallons of water just desperate to get out into the air and go home and sleep.

Now I sit here on this balmy evening, in the magic dress shop, writing this and feeling ready for the meeting tomorrow with Alberto, the Maestro's assistant. I know so soon I shall be amidst the mosquitos and crocodiles and wild and wonderful things of the jungle but  now I feel prepared, like an explorer going on a mission... a mission to learn as much as I can about all of this, so in the future, which I will have created, I will be able to help  many people with their own unique healings. This is all perfect, for this is the story I have created and I now have to live it wildly, passionately and full of trust.

We all write our own stories but it is our fantastic imaginations that can create all we dream about, our worlds within this world. So wherever you are begin to think what you would like to create with your magical imagination and I know that with conscious intent you truly, truly can create whatever you dream about. I can and will create this healing and I will share it with all of you in the hope it inspires you, in turn, to create more and more joy and magic and beauty in your lives and for all those around you.

So on that fabulously, postive note I shall say goodnight and stop worrying about my pink hair!!
With much love, Emily. xxx

Thursday, March 1, 2012

From the dress shop of Kerry, here in Lima, where today was a gentle day still trying to stay calm and deal with the surreal sensation of all that is happening. It is a hot sticky evening and slowly the plans are falling into place. Saturday night is probably a ceremony with the Shaman which will be super intense but right now I am focusing so strongly in simply being in the moment, the now, filling it with as much presence and strength as I am capable. I talked with Raquel this evening my friend, with who I built the children's home in Cusco. She is a nurse so we went over some tough medical details and decided there was no point knowing anything more as over and over again I have defied the Doctor's prognosis. I can only live this next phase as bravely as I am able, with no drama and as much trust as I am able. And wow despite everything this is still the most amazing adventure! So tonight I am going out with Kerry to a party to forget a little of all I have been thinking about.

It is amazing being here in Peru for the stories you listen to of so many of the people who live, here make my story seems like a fairy tale. My heart truly goes out to those who have chosen such tough lives, lives where so little joy shines through. Lives, where you could say the people are not living but just surviving. I created my story and I know we all do so playing the victim and the wimp right now does not serve me at all!! 

The other afternoon, Kerry and I were walking through the ancient Olive park on our way home for a late lunch. On the grass lay a beautiful woman with a Chow Chow. Kerry adores these dogs so we wandered over, sat on the grass and chatted to the owner. She opened up her soul to us and out poured a story of such sadness, such a sense of victim hood and hopelessness with prozac and thoughts of suicide that we walked away devastated. Her image was so contrary to what was going on inside her. And yet this little encounter made me feel  full of so much gratitude for all that happens in my life but it's richness is in love. The love of all who I love and love me and the love that I slowly every day, touch deep inside me that, has taken me so very long to find. All these gifts have come from walking with this cancer. I don't like that word and in my book I called my lumps Lolita. So from now on it is Lolita!!

Wow I am getting way too serious. I definitely need to go to this party and chill out a little!! And tomorrow it is a visit to the hairdresser. I think a little glass of champagne might do the trick and help the butterflies that keep fluttering around my stomach fly away. Or even a beer might do the trick!  If anyone has any better ideas then please let me know!!
Meanwhile wherever you all are have fun and a lovely evening.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Wobblying big time!!!!

Here I am in the fabulous dress shop, wobblying. Tonight I should have been on the flight to Spain to my beautiful island and instead I am here in Lima and now am about to embark on some wild adventure to the jungle for more healing. There is a part of me that is sooooo over all this and today talking with a Medical Intuitive from the States I know things are serious. I have tried so hard to dance between the shadows and the light and right now that old familiar feeling of mental panic and rubbish is trying to spoil what my heart is saying so clearly and lovingly to me. So in order to keep it quiet I went and bought some jungle dresses. Well what else was I supposed to do? And darling Jane has gifted me with a hair cut in a fabulous salon. So even though I shall have to deal with snakes and mosquitoes not to mention the vomiting, and wild spirit trips, I shall look wonderful in my new dresses and fab hair cut!! 

Yes I am being  light and ok superficial but it has been a heavy day with magic bits within it, as always. It all feels so surreal and everything is unfolding in such a way that blows me away. Even the travel agency is returning my money to my account so I now have no ticket and no idea what is happening to me! I feel a little isolated here in Lima away from all my friends and support group and writing this is gently easing away the doubts that keep surfacing. Saying goodbye to Jane after a large cafe con leche, was actually lovely knowing I can call her when I need to and she me. And I know we will be meeting in a few months hopefully at the beach or maybe again in the casino!! God, I am so so lucky to have such beautiful friends and so much love and I just have to keep strong as I prepare for this journey and flow with the wobbles when they arrive.

And I should stop being such a frigging wimp as I am being accompanied down to the jungle with a beautiful new friend I have made, who is a Doctor and is being a light beam of love and support to me. So really, I have so much to be blessed about and as I write these words I now at last am feeling calm, centered and clear. So forgive me for this wobble and thank you for reading it and undersanding it. We all have wobbles and I know and you know that it is our minds who play tricks with us and never our hearts. So I shall now go and walk in the Olive Park, take some time to connect with nature and find that inner stillness inside, which today kind of disappeared.
Have a sweet evening wherever you all are.
With Love Emilyx

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

God is in casinos!!!

Here I am in Kerry's shop after a magical day with Jane. She is visitng from Lima and at last we were able to have time to talk, laugh, drink a beer and have a wonderful lunch. Our six months of dealing with the heaviness of living and dying with cancer we put behind us and decided that whenever we next meet it will be somewhere fabulous and we will not mention a word of what is happening to me. I told her of my trip to the jungle and she supported this wild decision that seems to be coming from a place that I truly do not understand. All I can do is trust it, so as we were passing the white, frothy, Lima casino I decided to put God to the test!!!

I had this wild feeling that if we went inside we would win!! Just so you do not think I am some gambling addict I have only been in a casino once before in my entire life. We wandered around all the machines searching for one that "spoke" to us and I spied one called,  Jungle Two. This was my test for God, if we won on this machine then fabulous things will happen to me in the jungle. So we put in around five dollars in Peruvian money and watched as the parrots screeched, the Mayan temples exploded with light and the shamans beat their dreams. Jane, who is way more of a gambler than me kept pressing some number that made us win more money and after twenty minutes we walked out with around 80 dollars which for Peru is a fortune!! I now know without a shadow of doubt, my wild jungle trip will change my life and the lives of others in ways I cannot even begin to imagine!! So if you need to check out your faith in the Universe then I definitely suggest you visit the Casino too!! It's great, well it's definitely fun when you win!! and way more fun than polishing your chakras!

So hurray, the fear is subsiding gently and the old, buried adventurer part of me is gently bubbling away. It feels so hard  sometimes to reconnect with a part of myself that has hidden away for so long now,  lost under a mass of fears, and pain and oh such dark thoughts and now I see almost a rebirth of myself and I feel so overwhelmingly grateful. It's like drinking a wonderful glass of champagne and  feeling the bubbles tickle your nose!! And today, spending time with  my dear soul sister who has given so generously to me during the hardest time of my life brings tears of gratitude to my eyes. Thank you Jane. I hope you read this and I hope you realise how much I love you. I was a true cancer bitch in her home, the dark side of fear showing its ugly face but that was part of my journey and I know is part of everyone's journey who has to walk the terror of this unpredictable dis-dease. So I hope all the angels will now help me to create a healing  magical space, somewhere on this delicious planet so that with a team of people, filled with love and integrity we can, in our unique way help a few souls who have to walk the dark path of healing until they find their light.

So if our moment at the casino was anything to go by then who knows what will happen next!! So I suggest when you can, shoot off to your casino, have a beer, trust and watch the money pour from the slot!! Go on, you have nothing to lose for God is everywhere even in Casinos hanging out with us!!!!
Have a great evening, until tomorrow!

Monday, February 27, 2012


I am sitting in wonderment in Kerry's  beautiful shop as my life seems to have, yet again, turned upside down and inside out. Despite this, the deep rooted feeling is that I am doing the right thing for me, only to others it may appear completly wild. I am changing my ticket from flying back to Spain this Wednesday and instead staying here in Lima to meet supposedly, the two best Shamans  in the whole of South America. All is being organised in such a graceful, beautiful way that I can only follow with surprise and gratitude.

What have I to lose by this decision? Nothing. I know it is going to lead me to the jungle where something awaits me and I have no idea what but I know that this journey will change not only my life but the lives of many others and yet I cannot begin to tell you how for I have no idea!! I walk with peace in my heart and deep trust having gone through a few days of agony talking with Kerry until now it feels the most perfect decision in the world.

A friend of mine who, when he was 92, on being asked by me what he felt was one of the most important things he had learnt in life replied, "It is the things you don't do that you regret, not the things that you do". I love that advice and have tried to follow it wherever I can.This is one of those crossroads moments, if I get on the plane and turn my back on this extraordinary opportunity that is being given to me with such love I would not be at peace with myself. This has been a gentle, spiritual, plant based walk for over five years, I have grown so much and I am not the same woman I was before so I have to honor this, no matter how scary it might be. Last night, when a mosquito was buzzing over me, I thought, "Oh God not the jungle!" I hate mosquitoes and the last time I was there, living for two months with the Shipivo Indians, I was bitten  alive every day. Well I suppose it was good that I was bitten alive and not dead! 

So I shall tell you something... I intend to enjoy every moment of luxury in Kerry's fabulous shop and all the wonderful things here in Lima, cos I have a very funny feeling this is all going to change so fast and it will be back to snakes and mosquitos and a diet of fish and rice and no chocolate and red wine and deep cermonies and everything I still feel so deeply in the photo album of my memory. Only this time I shall  create a true adventure and something wonderous will come from this, of that I am sure. And even if it is be death then that too is kind of wonderous..... to explode to the light, consciously and lovingly.... but actually I have a feeling I am to remain down here for a lot longer. Maybe this is only the beginning!! Watch this blog and you will find out!!

And one other thing the words you all send to me touch my heart so deeply. Your support, especially from total strangers, is just incredible and I feel so grateful to all of you for following my wild journey with such  acceptance. I can assure you, somewhere and somehow, it is not just about me but it might soon be  able to help so many others who are in pain and suffering to find different choices for their own healing path. This is my intention and so I shall just have to see if it unfolds. 

So now it is back to pretty dresses and lunch. Have a beautiful afternoon and promise me you will go and do something wild and magical. If you do, I know you will never regret it!!
With love to you all!!!

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Having fun in Lima!

Here I am in Lima enjoying the beauty, warmth and sunshine after my six months in Cusco. I am sorry I have not been writing my blog but truly, life as always, is super intense. It is so, as I gently  balance the dance between living and dying. My physical body is super fragile but my spirit and joy is flying more and more with every step I take, and I am full of gratitude for this wild camino that I am walking.

For the past few day, here in Lima, I have been playing princesses with my darling friend Kerry in her chic designer dress shop. To sit amidst the gorgeous colours of her clothes, spray myself in her exotic French perfumes and try on her fabulous designer shoes is total joy! Every woman should have the chance to play in a gorgeous dress shop, it is wonderful healing therapy!! I don't need to buy anything for I have everthing I want and to be perfectly honest I can't buy a new healthy breast so anything else pales into insignificance! Kerry's shop is called Anais Nin after the famous Frech writer and her philosophy is based on the words of Ninn who said, "Luxury is not a necessity to me, but beautiful and good things are". I whole heartedly agree with this for I feel that beauty feeds the soul and without beauty we feel sad and disconnected. Everything in nature is just radiating a beauty that so often is beyond words, think of a flower - no words can ever really do justice to its beauty. So wherever you are this weekend, make sure you go and see something that fills your soul with beauty and you will feel radiant no matter what your mood!

That seems a perfect thought to end this blog for now and Monday I shall write again. I am thinking of returning here in a few months as I have just  heard of an amazing Shaman who might be able to finally heal my bleeding breast. And if he can't, then life goes on in its magical way until I have to leave. The time here in Peru has filled my soul with such peace and acceptance and I feel fearless and full of courage to embark on the next stage of this wild, wild path and intend to continue to laugh and have fun right until my very last breath!! 

So have a great weekend wherever you are and I shall tell you about mine on Monday!

Sunday, February 12, 2012

The Violin.

Well it has been over one week since I have sat in the pink room to write to you. And it has been a week full of adventures, growth, stuff, life and death. So what´s new?!!! 

Quote of the week for me is "none of us get out of here alive" which I think is a great thing to remember. And the other part of it is  "there is no such thing as death"!! So there we have the divine dichotomy which seems to be part of my every day existence until I fly to Ibiza and can switch off and go swimming every day and forget about all this intense healing stuff! Am I sick of it or what!!!

So the challenge of the week, after the most magical time in the sacred valley, was a new friend thought he was possibly dying and I accompanied him, for at least at least ten hours and more, through the labyrinth of clinics, poor hospitals, ambulances, cat scan x rays etc etc. Now I am the worst person on the entire planet to go through this as I loathe hospitals, machines, the smells of disinfectant everything and yet we laughed, read poetry, talked about death and dying and it was most the most uplifting, wild time ever. We ended up in a fabulous hotel for one night to celebrate life as the doctors had found nothing wrong with him despite the most severe symptoms so he possibly created all this with his mind, we shall see. Meanwhile I am back in Cusco, at last with a credit card and now planning my ticket back to Europe, hurray! I am so ready to leave but I have a feeling I am to be challenged until the very last moment.

I don´t feel like writing more just now as this truly has been one of the most intense few days of my time here but I want to leave you with the words of the most magical poet I have ever encountered, Hafiz, a Persian mystical poet whose book "The Gift" is truly sublime. It was this book that John and I read to each other during our challenging time together. If you have never come across this poet then I suggest you order "The Gift", might be one of the most beautiful gifts you will give yourself!! It was so hard to choose which poem to quote from but I finally decided on this one, called The Violin which is exquisite and sums up so beautifully the road of healing.
                                                             The Violin
                                           the violin can forgive the past
                                           it starts singing.

                                           When the violin can stop
                                           worrying about the future

                                           You will become
                                           such a drunk laughing nuisance

                                           that God
                                           will then lead down
                                           and start combing you
                                           into his hair.

                                            When the violin can forgive
                                            every wound caused by 

                                            the heart starts

I don´t know about you but I find these words utterly magical and I would love to hear your comments if you a moment to write to me!!!
Have a beautiful day wherever you are. Love x

Thursday, February 2, 2012

a near brush with death!!

Typical, I am in rush to leave to go away for a few days and have written this blog once and it has disappeared. If it goes again that´s it! I have not packed, am totally disorganised but felt i wanted to write this before I left as yesterday the computer was not working. So in the ever dramatic scenario of life in Cusco, not only are we dealing with death, cancer, stolen credit card but now a possible earthquake!! The night before found Jane me and Jack in the bathroom with blankets and pillows, food supplies as we contemplated what we should exactly do. We have woke up with the most horrendous bang and a blast of energy through us, looking on the internet we discovered there had been a huge earth tremor about an hour away with the effect reaching us. A moment yet again of facing the dark reaper!! Jack was terrified and Jane and I icy calm, she going for a cigarette, she is trying to give up and me a chocolate soya milk with a very large dash of rum. We decided if this was the end of life as we knew it we would do it in style. Anyway after an hour or so of dithering and waiting for the next blast of whatever we returned to bed to live anther day!!
So now I am off to the valley and will not be writing for a few days. And no time to mess with photos either!! So have a great few days wherever you are and thank you Tristan for the most beautiful comment on this wild blog. Right now there seems to be no time at all to think about dying as the living is taking up all my thoughts and energy!!! Which has to be a good thing, no?!
So I shall now press the publish button and hope this gets where it is meant to go!!

Monday, January 30, 2012

The fifth dimension!

I am now writing this for the third time cos somehow I seem to keep pressing a button that is eradicating my pink prose. Maybe it is because I am writing about the fifth dimension and those above are testing my patience!!! Anyway who cares as today I feel fabulous, the best I have in over a month and I am convinced it is because I am entering the fifth dimension more and more, no seriously, check this out, posted today from the fabulous fashion queen in  Lima, Camilla Huntington.....

The fifth dimension is a super-conscious area of clear white light, of simultaneous knowledge, insight and intuition, of all form in time and space and of divine consciousness. Most experience 5th dimension through brief intuitive flashes and insights. To prolong 5th dimension consciousness it is important to develop sound mental and physical habits.

Now if you read it through it is actually not that complicated and quite possible for all of us to connect more and more to this dimension and maybe that is what we are all evolving too. The more we trust our intuition and follow our bliss and ignore all the negativity around us then we are more connected to this fifth dimension. I reckon over the past five years of following this alternative healing path I am definitely moving and more into this understanding and if I had listened to the Doctors etc I would certainly by now, be in a pink box  So when I meditated this morning and tuned into my intuition I felt that during this past month there has been some sort of cleansing process going on in my body and the pains are nothing to do with cancer. I cannot now eat certain foods, my sensitivity has accelerated, all sorts of things are going on that I cannot explain but I implicitly trust the intelligence of my body and shall continue to believe there is some force guiding me and all I have to do is surrender and I will be lead to Ibiza and to create my little Light House.

So on that fabulously positive note I shall now go and have a late lunch. Thank you, Camilla, for sending me that comment which I am sure will inspire many people to continue to follow their bliss and listen to their own intuition more and more!!
And a wild photo of Jack as this blog was getting a little serious!!
Have a lovely day wherever you are and if anyone has any more info on the fifth dimension please send it to me.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Peru to India!!

Well I have not been exactly prolific this week with my pink prose as I have spent much of the week reclining and moaning in bed! Now as crazy as this seems I am going to tell you the two options I seem to be facing....either I am truly dying fast and those creative cancer cells are racing round my body  determined to have me out of here in a pink box or I am becoming a fifth dimensional light being!! And of course I have chosen to think the latter which made Jane roar with laughter when I told her about it. 

You see, all week pains have been flowing through my spine, legs, kidneys and two people told me that it was kundalini energy rising and I wasn´t to worry about it. So of course I way prefer that and apparently some huge blast of light energy hit the planet last week and that was on one of the days where I was in bed moaning. And because I am here in Cusco, one of the high vibrational centres of the Universe, then who knows what the hell is happening and why couldn´t this all be because of shifting energy? So I am sticking to that and today bounced out of bed feeling fabulous and to celebrate had a coffee!!

Then I lay on the bed in the fuchsia pink room that is my office to talk to my angelic friend in India, Tristan!! Everyone should have a Tristan in their life, no truly, he is one of those people that no matter what you are feeling, he makes you feel a million dollars instead of a waste of space. He is an NLP maestro and his ability to find the right words at the right moment is truly remarkable. So he took me through my vision of the future, where I truly do see a Light House in Ibiza and of course he is part of the vision. Somehow we will manifest this house and it will spin off into some magical story. The how and the where and the money and all those details are of little importance for I know only too well that when a dream is in your heart it will be created and this has to be created. Walking through this exercise with him was very powerful and helped me gain more and more clarity, which is the key to visualisation. And I suggest if you are wishing to create something in your life you do the same exercise with a friend. Simply talk through whatever it is you wish to create in the future but right down to tiny details, like the colour of the walls, or the flowers in the garden or whatever it is who are dreaming about. The more clarity you have about the dream the more it will inevitably come true. 

I think I talked about this in my last blog but it seems so important to me right now and using our imagination is one of the most powerful things we have and we forget this!! So don´t, please keep imagining every day and you will be amazed at what will happen to you.

And don´t you think it is just amazing how you can talk for free with skype from Peru to India? I think it´s a miracle and having Tristan as my friend is a miracle too. Honestly if you haven´t got into skype then just do it cos keeping in touch with friends around the world is one of the most wonderful things down here. Without friends, life is just not worth living!!

Right time for one more little coffee and I will check if I have a photo that you might wish to see. 
A typical scene at the market!! Have a beautiful day!xxx

Thursday, January 26, 2012


I am sitting here at my desk wondering what to write about. I know I want to write as it always makes me feel more alive and positive especially right now as I so want to be by the sea and not high up in these granite mountains that make me feel sad! Last night, I lay in bed listening to the rain and reading a wonderful book, the Anastasia books and for those of you who have never heard of her, she is an extraordinary young woman who lives in Siberia and through a Russian man who found her in the forest and together they have created a series of nine books that are now published all over the world. Book four is all about our powers of creating and last night this line caught my eye,

"When the heart aspires to something in a dream, invariably - invariably, believe me, it must all come true in life."

I love that line, I find it utterly inspirational and as the rain continued to pour down my thoughts flew to Ibiza and the Light House I wish to create. Then this morning I opened my e mails and received one from a magical friend who is thinking of coming to live in Ibiza and maybe would like to create a healing centre with me. 
I couldn´t imagine doing anything more fabulous and it makes me feel that the vision I hold so clearly in my heart could become a reality even if every bone in my body had cancer and it doesn´t!! So I feel so much lighter and happier this morning and ready to go home to my island. I shall continue to be super patient waiting for my card and enjoy all the magical things that I so love here and prepare my soul for its next adventure!! So think about this quote and remind yourself that whatever you dream can also become a reality no matter how wild and crazy it may seem there is always a way to manifest the things that are in our hearts.

So now it is time to wander off to the market and find a photo for you. And here is Chellah, Jack´s cat, who lives with us and is continually having adventures!
So I hope you have an adventure today wherever you are for adventures keep us alive though right now I just wish for gentle ones!xxx

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

A little miracle!

Life is full of small miracles and today was fabulous because when I arrived at the dentist to undergo a major drama all the infection had cleared up and the Dentist was totally surprised. I wasn´t cos I had decided to ignore taking the antibiotics, tune into my "inner doctor" and boosted up my Peruvian plants with extra doses of Macca and Graviola. So all I had to have was a cleaning. The relief was overwhelming and I think I shall celebrate by having a hair cut! This just goes to show that following your intuition really does work and to me it means that if my body can recover from an infection then maybe, just maybe, this whole story of bone cancer is not true at all. So all I have to now do is keep eating more and more, get myself super strong so I can fly back to Europe when the card arrives. 
I have learnt so much over the past five years of healing and if anyone wants to know more about my alternative journey then they can read my book "Cancer Healed Me" which is available on both as an e book and a real one!! My new book is called "Follow your bliss, if not what´s the point?" and that should be ready to buy in a few weeks and I think you might like it! And I am planning another one, a sort of 101 things to think about before you die!! I have already written eight thoughts so it´s in its early stages but the more I keep being challenged the more I have to think about!! However I have now asked the universe for simple, beautiful, normal every day challenges and I hope they up there are listening!

Photo time... This is a photo of my wonderful friend Eblynn who owns one of the most beautiful dress shop that I have ever visited. It is a magic shop and she designs magical dresses, dresses that make your soul sing, truly. We had lunch together today as she is about to go off travelling and I may not see her again for a while. She is one of the most talented women I know and yet despite her talent she doubts herself and her mind sometimes will not allow her to enjoy all the gifts she has. So many of us are like this and I know that however hard it maybe for all of us we have to ignore all the negative stuff wandering around our brain and embrace all our gifts wholeheartedly, if not what is the point of having them!!
So on that note have a lovely evening or day wherever you are and remember you truly are fabulous!! No matter what anyone else thinks!

Monday, January 23, 2012

Finding beauty!

Wouldn´t life be just great if we could get up every single morning feeling fabulous? Honestly, that truly is my goal but there are days when you crawl out of bed with no passion, no enthusiasm and you would simply prefer to dive straight back under the douve. Such was this morning and I am still struggling to find the joy, the gratitude and the magic. I think the effect of the Reiki treatment I had yesterday is still with me, plus it is a full moon and of course I want to be out of here and am stuck cos of my credit card so I reckon the effect of all that plus not to mention cancer and who knows now maybe even bone cancer is kind of affecting the joy factor!! But hey things can only get better and friends are the best tonic ever. 
I ran over to the Healing House for a green power juice to be met by Nikki who said,
"Hey I just had a dream about you. You won´t like this first bit cos you told me you were dying and we both cracked up laughing  cos we were both real old and I know you are going to be around for years". So that cheered me up. We are now beginning to work together. She has a vision of Healing Houses all over the globe, the first one to be here in Cusco and I, in the background am going to be her magic manifestor. And when I arrive in Ibiza my vision is Light Houses throughout Europe, sort of drop in creative centres where no matter what your problem is you leave after a session full of light, positive energy and way happier than before you arrived. Yet another totally wild, non practical idea which somehow will become a reality.
After my Reiki session yesterday Nikki and I were talking about beauty and throughout my life I have been blessed to have seen so many beautiful, wonderous things and I know when we can truly open our eyes and hearts to all the magic around us it changes our day. Coming home from the Healing House the sun was shining I spent a moment in a lovely garden and I actually began to feel better. So wherever you are step outside into the sunshine and find something beautiful to touch your soul and whatever you are feeling I know you will feel better.

And I just love this photo of a little friend of Jack´s who came with me to the market a while back. His name is Corrie and when I had my bag stolen he gave me all his pocket money, two dollars and fifty cents, in a little Peruvain purse which I treasure. So you see every cloud does have a silver lining and Corrie´s generosity certainly touched my soul!! Have a lovely day and send some magic around the world for the new moon!!xx

Saturday, January 21, 2012


Saturday morning here in Cusco, a little grey but I feel way better than yesterday. I now know that I have to leave here and follow my vision of creating a Light House in Ibiza however crazy that may appear to many of my friends. I walked through the grey streets this morning and my soul ached for the beach and for the countryside and an overwhelming sense of completion hit me, a sort of little death if you like. I have been involved in this city for over twelve years now in my work with building the home for kids and now it is time for my home even if it is a hut on the beach!  I keep thinking that all completions are a kind of death whether it be from relationships, jobs, countries and the only way to deal with them is acceptance and gratitude. If I struggle and fight this I will only make it worse so I might as well enjoy my last moments here and not make a drama out of it! So in a very weird kind of way it is yet another practice of letting go, with love, and if I was off to the pearly gates then I would have to be doing the same thing. Does this make sense?? 
All our experiences are utterly dependent on how we view them it is that simple so the more we view things with humour and love the more fun we have. Ok enough of trying to be philosophical and I shall whack in a photo. 

Well for some strange reason this is Jack´s birthday cake and maybe it appeared here, like magic, to remind me and you that life is a celebration. There is so much to enjoy down here and I know daily I have to keep reminding myself to stay in the present, not a give a damn about the future and really trust that everything I need will be upon my path when I need it. And that goes for all of you as well!!
So on that fabulously positive note I shall now meet a lovely friend and go down to the kids home and have lunch. Have a great weekend.x