Thursday, March 1, 2012

From the dress shop of Kerry, here in Lima, where today was a gentle day still trying to stay calm and deal with the surreal sensation of all that is happening. It is a hot sticky evening and slowly the plans are falling into place. Saturday night is probably a ceremony with the Shaman which will be super intense but right now I am focusing so strongly in simply being in the moment, the now, filling it with as much presence and strength as I am capable. I talked with Raquel this evening my friend, with who I built the children's home in Cusco. She is a nurse so we went over some tough medical details and decided there was no point knowing anything more as over and over again I have defied the Doctor's prognosis. I can only live this next phase as bravely as I am able, with no drama and as much trust as I am able. And wow despite everything this is still the most amazing adventure! So tonight I am going out with Kerry to a party to forget a little of all I have been thinking about.

It is amazing being here in Peru for the stories you listen to of so many of the people who live, here make my story seems like a fairy tale. My heart truly goes out to those who have chosen such tough lives, lives where so little joy shines through. Lives, where you could say the people are not living but just surviving. I created my story and I know we all do so playing the victim and the wimp right now does not serve me at all!! 

The other afternoon, Kerry and I were walking through the ancient Olive park on our way home for a late lunch. On the grass lay a beautiful woman with a Chow Chow. Kerry adores these dogs so we wandered over, sat on the grass and chatted to the owner. She opened up her soul to us and out poured a story of such sadness, such a sense of victim hood and hopelessness with prozac and thoughts of suicide that we walked away devastated. Her image was so contrary to what was going on inside her. And yet this little encounter made me feel  full of so much gratitude for all that happens in my life but it's richness is in love. The love of all who I love and love me and the love that I slowly every day, touch deep inside me that, has taken me so very long to find. All these gifts have come from walking with this cancer. I don't like that word and in my book I called my lumps Lolita. So from now on it is Lolita!!

Wow I am getting way too serious. I definitely need to go to this party and chill out a little!! And tomorrow it is a visit to the hairdresser. I think a little glass of champagne might do the trick and help the butterflies that keep fluttering around my stomach fly away. Or even a beer might do the trick!  If anyone has any better ideas then please let me know!!
Meanwhile wherever you all are have fun and a lovely evening.

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