Monday, March 26, 2012

Oh for a Pina colada!!

Hello from my little guest house in Pisac,

Oh for a Pina colada or a Margarita or some vast delicious bar of chocolate. This healing business can be so so intense and tonight as I sit here writing this I truly wish I was sipping some fabulous cocktail and listening to a jazz band. There are moments when it could be so easy to simply give up, let life bring me what it will and then suddenly someone´s story touches your soul so deeply that you think, hey my life is truly a bowl of cherries compared to so many. So away with the victim stuff and let me tell you the most profoundly sad story I have ever heard. And I have a hope it will have a happy ending.

The other night I was in a restaurant with John watching football of all things and I began a conversation with a couple on the next table, to keep this short I told them about John´s work as a chiropractor. The man had back troubles and agreed to come for an appointment. Well again keeping it short he never turned up but he told a friend of his about John and she came to visit with her Mother. The Mother looked utterly desperate and sitting downstairs with me in the courtyard she opened her heart telling me she no longer wanted to live. Two years ago she had been involved in a huge flood in this village where many people had died. As the river broke its banks she was working with a group of friends and eight of them drowned. She was saved but because she was the head of the group who were responsible for cleaning the river the people of the town felt she was responsible fro their deaths and began a legal process against her. She was traumatised, her body unable to control its shaking and its fear, and she fell into a depression too afraid to walk into the streets to hear the cruel words thrown at her from the towns people. 

Her life is in ruins and watching the tears fall down her sad cheeks my heart just went out to this stranger. We talked for a little while and I promised I would work with her every week if she truly truly felt she wanted to live. John gave her a treatment and promised to give her two a week for something like five dollars. Between us I have this feeling of hope, that somehow this woman can change her story and begin her life again. I know it may sound naive but at the same time I know she is upon my path to share a little of all I have learnt in the past five years. And for me she was a yet another lesson.... to truly feel, every day,  gratitude for all the help and love that constantly surrounds me. My life is indeed so rich and when I hear a story like this it always acts as a wake-up call for me to remember just how blessed I am. This week alone so many people have contacted me with such love and support as I attempt this transformation. Even my brother who has not been in contact for ages is now going to help me with this transition. And my cousin John and Col my amazing fairy godmother hold out their hands and hearts constantly with such love and support that it is overwhelming.

I know, that every story no matter how deeply sad, has a gift but wow sometimes the stories are so unbelievably dark that to help this woman find a gift within all this pain will not be easy. If I can do it then maybe at last I am becoming whole and healed and this journey of deep introspection and not drinking pina coladas and having fun might just hold an amazing gift not only for her but for me as well. Maybe at last I am ready to give back a little of all that I have received. I shall tell you how the story unfolds.

So now I shall go to bed. It has been a long rich day in this little town in the Andes! I hope that your day wherever you spent it was rich and wonderful and I shall now leave you until the next time.

With much love to you all Emilyxxx

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Healing in Pisac

Hello everyone!
A big apology for having not been in touch for a little while. My wonderful friend, pinky luscious sent me an e mail quietly telling me I should give my news more often otherwise everyone will think I have disappeared into the jungle and been eaten by a  crocodile or whatever!! But no, I am high up in the Andes, and simply  transforming my dis-ease into more and more light. I am totally ignoring all the death like grumblings from the shamans and anyone else and know deep, deep in my soul that I will not be disappearing from this wonderful planet for a long, long time. I have my vision of my Lighthouse to create which is almost ready to send out and many other things to give and share with those who are facing this gift, for that is truly how I see it every day. I am full of gratitude for the wild path I walk and though at times it is super hard yet he gifts always present themselves upon my path.

I am sending my wild tumor back to the light from where it came through working with a magical light box lent to me by my friend John. I find it quite extraordinary that in my book "Cancer healed me" I kept repeating over and over again how I wanted "Lolita" to return to the light and now she is going, of this I have no doubt. I see the change in the tissue every evening. And when I changed my homeopathic remedy to lead, I received the message that I was full of life and not going anywhere so there we go. Thus pinky, any fears you have about me put them to one side and go and drink a fabulous glass of red wine sitting on your white sofa in your beautiful kitchen that I miss so much!!

And what else to tell you of my life here in the mountains? It is a time of deep introspection, working with the quantum aspect of healing of shifting the neurological pathways to the brain and quietly telling the brain that I am perfect, healed and not going anywhere!! So I mediate intensively, write my vision and work gently on the old, ancient dark patterns that still exist in my cellular memory and some days arise like a tsunami bathing me in a sad pain that I look at as an old friend, treat with respect and then let go back to the light. These dark patterns have to be totally eradicated for a new,healthy, fabulous me to appear and for this reason I am quietly letting go of the name of Dot and embracing my new name Emily Hilton. So please as much as you all can try and begin to think of me as Emily and when you write and talk of me call me by new name. As I told Jane, at least I didn´t choose, Rainbow or Shanti Om, but for me, Emily rings with a confidence and light that never worked with Dot.. please help me in this new transformation by embracing this. Thank you. It may sound crazy to many of you but part of this new creation of pathways to the brain is almost like creating a new personality. The essence of me obviously will stay the same but as I work away at breaking those old patterns there will be way more light and power and authenticity in my new walk which has so many wonderful things to be explore and discover.

Of course in so many ways I would far rather be drinking a glass of wine, chatting with my friends, creating and laughing but I know I have to accept this solitary moment and see it for all the gifts it is bringing me. So that is it for the moment. I now need to go and eat and take some time to wander up the mountain to the humming bird field. It as filled with glorious orange flowers and at certain times of the day you can see maybe over 50 humming birds...quite magical.

Wherever you all are I think of you and send you so much love. All of my magic friends are in my heart and always will be even if for a few days I dont´t write. So remember that Pinky and have that glass of wine. And that goes for everyone..go and have a fabulous glass of wine tonight and celebrate who you are and where you are and the magic of life!xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Expect the Unexpected!!

Hello from Pisac, Peru and not the jungle!
I think it is nearly impossible to write all that has happened to me in the past five days since the last blog posting. I don't know where to begin and as I am trying so hard to focus and keep in the present perhaps the best thing is for me to simply say that the jungle journey has been postponed and instead I am having, tonight, a minor jungle experience here in the mountains. I will be having an Ahayuasca ceremony with a beautiful female shaman called Karen, a ceremony where my intention is to simply connect on a way deeper level with God, the light, the source of my own healing power and now surrender to wherever this journey is to lead me.

This morning as I was reading in the little monastic cell in the guest house where I am now staying I found this...

If you have been trying to heal a disease or defect in your physical body forget these efforts and  be at peace. Ignore such appearances as best you can and lie back singing in the everlasting arms. The healing will come spontaneously as your consciousness floats upward to touch the edge of mine.

I find these words extraordinary and they seem to resonate with how I am now feeling. I am at peace, more than at peace, I am truly full of joy and I just want to let my laughter bubble up even more. I am no longer choosing to go racing around for a cure, a fix,  or an end to this process. What I have learnt and gained is beyond words and now the story has to change. So I am changing it tonight with this ceremony. I know change does not happen overnight but I do believe you can have a mega conscious click of clarity and that is already happening to me.

So I shall no longer listen to the fears and dramas of others. I know my body better than any physician I have encountered and despite being told the cancer is in my bones, my lungs, my lymph system and there is something wrong with my head, I feel fabulous!! So as long as I am feeling like this then I shall take life again in my arms, reclaim my power and put all my energy into creating a healing centre wherever I am guided to do so. The how and the where and the money and all the details are not my problem for I know if this is to be manifested through me then it will be. So I am turning a page and beginning a new chapter. I have no idea how many chapters there will be nor how many pages are in my book of life but I shall turn a new page every day filling it with as much love and laughter and joy as I possibly can for this is the only way I can now walk.

I know I will leave perhaps a few friends by the wayside who cannot or will not understand the way I am dealing with this but it is my walk and no one else´s and I shall walk it in the very best way I can. None of us know when our last day will be upon this incredible planet but thanks to the gift of all that has happened to me or maybe all I have created I have the chance, for the remaining time I am down here, to live a dance with death and life in a way I have never danced before. And no one is going to stop this dance with their fears and doubts and their shadow stuff which blocks the light I feel so strongly inside me. 

I will create a Light House somewhere on this planet, a place where people who can be nurtured, respected and honoured for choosing a wilder path of healing which so few people truly understand. This is pioneer stuff but what a fantastic way to end my time down here creating this vision and who knows, through the creation of it I may be down here for years and years and still be writing this blog!! You never know. Life is a total mystery for all of us and the past few days have shown me that more than ever. I should have been in Spain by now or even in the jungle but no,  I am here, in the mountains and who knows what is going to happen to me tomorrow!! I have learnt to expect the unexpected and welcome it into my life and I suggest it might be a good idea for you as well to do the same!! I tell you one thing for sure, life is never boring.

So until I write again I wish you a wonderful evening and hope that loads of unexpected things creep into your life tomorrow too!!!
With love Emilyxxxx

Monday, March 5, 2012

The amazing power of thought!

Hello from yes, the pretty dress shop!
I am now beginning to think that this is the best possible place for me to retreat to during this surreal passage of my wild journey. It is the absolute contrast of all that awaits me so I shall enjoy sloshing myself with fabulous perfume and meditating in the beautiful changing rooms and creating a new look for myself every day! Oh and to let you know, the pink hair is now a fabulous golden colour which is what I had envisaged in the first place. I returned to the salon and basically told Alex, the divino hair dresser, that I was unhappy and with grace and charm he changed it and now I feel totally ready for the jungle. No one can go to the jungle with pink hair, I might have been mistaken for a parrot and shot!

So to fill you in. Yesterday, Sunday, was yet another surreal day. Kerry left without giving me keys.  I couldn't go out and so I hung out in my room, did a load of yoga, meditated and meditated until I was positively bursting with joy and then I lay on the floor devouring a book and don't laugh, called "Evolve your brain." I have no idea why I have taken so long to think about evolving my brain but believe me this book is mind blowing,  full of the most amazing information to do with healing and changing brain patterns which obviously affect the body etc. I  found this quote and want to share it here.

"We have the capacity to rewire our brain because we are capable of making a thought more real to us than anything else in the universe."

This quote  gives me goose bumps. Read it again very slowly and take in the full impact of these profound words. They are tremendous, more tremendous than you can possibly get your brain around! We can climb mountains with our thoughts and create worlds upon worlds, we can heal and destroy with them, love and hate, do anything we wish. Have you any idea how powerful this could be if we all used our thoughts with their utmost potential? I find it the most creative, wild, joyous thing and I intend to travel to the jungle with one, huge, magic thought in my mind and heart..... to heal these tumors and send them back to the light from where they came from. And with the help of my light beam, amazing wonderful amigo, John, who is coming me, I know we can do this together. How lucky and blessed I am to be on this wild adventure with someone by my side. We talked tonight for ages as the "universe" blocked the public phone and so we could chat for ages without him having to pay a cent! And so at last we could catch up on all that has happened in our individual worlds. He is in Pisac and me down here in the pretty dress shop but for each of us this journey has its own unique implications and we both have to honor the others path. Wow this is beyond surreal! And I am over the moon with gratitude for his gift in accompanying on this journey of discovery.

But I really want to say something that feels so important to me. My journey is your journey too, all the possibilities of creativity, expansion, trust, healing are your path too, mine is no different. So all the information I am sharing with you, why not use it to bring more light and joy and creativity into your lives?? We all have the capacity to take a thought and make it a reality, I know this and you know it too. So I ask you this, why do we waste so much of our lives on crappy, self defeating, small thoughts when we could all be so much more? Why do we waste the preciousness of our tiny moment down here "sweating the small stuff" when there is so much to marvel at, to create to love, to bless to live, to sing?? Please from the bottom of my heart I wish so much that you think about these extraordinary words for a thought with conscious intention and love and trust can becomes whatever we are thinking about.
And just to end on a total high think about this one!!

"The power that made the body heals the body".

So if we can connect to that power, then that power can heal us. I can't write anymore, I am blowing up as I think about this! So until tomorrow!

With much love Emily. xxxxxxx

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Patience..... for this is Peru!

Hello from the lovely dress shop!
If ever you wanted to learn patience big time then I suggest a visit to Peru!! Nothing ever goes as you plan it and so you learn to take each day at a time and never plan too far ahead. So now the Shaman meeting is next Tuesday with both Shamans, the Maestro and Alberto his assistant. Each day they continue to work on me and I am beginning to feel very strange, tired, quiet, and solitary with gentle shifts in my physical body.  All very weird but I have surrendered totally to this process and can only follow my heart which tells me I am exactly where I have to be and somewhere all is perfect, despite the feeling of every day being so surreal!

But tomorrow, Paula, another wonderful friend of mine and Kerry's is in town and she will be great to see, a wild woman full of life and wisdom. I met both her and Kerry four years ago when I was in the jungle for the first adventure and we have remained friends ever since. Maybe our time together was so profound that the connection stays with us and for this stage of this strange journey I couldn't be around any other people. They are creative, adventurous, strong women and along with Heidi and Tira who have arranged all this for me I feel protected and guided. If you want to see the film they are making then look it up on U tube.. "When two worlds Collide". It is strange how the title makes me think of how now, two different worlds are colliding - the world of Western medicine and Quantum Physics colliding with the ancient world of shamanism. Yet instead of colliding in conflict, which is the subject of Heidi's  and Tira's film, this collision, I hope, will create a wondrous healing and from this, influence and help other people who wish to heal in their own unique way.

Though for now all I am dealing with is this weird feeling of being in No man's Land, a twilight zone where I have to patiently wait for the next directions of where I have to go. Letting go of my ticket has thrown me a little and if this is all yet another lesson about being in The now then I reckon I have now passed the test and can move on to something else!! 

I can't write anymore for now, I have no inspiration. So I wish you all a magical week end until I write again with the next installment!!
With much love and thanks for following this story and being so wonderful, especially a big thanks to pinky luscious for her magic e mail this morning!xxxxxx

Friday, March 2, 2012

The jungle story begins here in Lima!

Hello from Kerry's dress shop!
This shop is now my grounding in "this world" as the jungle adventure seems to have begun! So let me explain. Last night, I knew I had to somehow  move through the final fear barrier and so, which is remarkable for me, I decided to do some research on the Internet. I was looking at the links between quantum physics and healing and by chance, if chance exists, up came a site with this huge article plastered all over its opening page..."Why Shamanism Works". I read it out loud to Kerry and danced around her shop in delight. It was the most amazing positive article linking shamanstic practices with the quantum field and how incredible healings could and do take place with gifted Shamans. Then to follow up on this idea I briefly checked out the website on Matrix Energetics, a form of healing which I once explored in San Diego and found this....

"The product of your imagined outcome can encode and imprint on consciousness in such a way that  physical observable changes become the product. You are creating an altered state, a different reality which you energize  and give life to with your active imagination."

This completely links to the world of Shamanism for with their rituals you enter a total different reality and with conscious intention can effect the outcome of whatever you are dealing with. I know this now, with no doubts, and I know that going to the jungle and consciously working in the ceremonies with powerful intentions will reduce  my tumors and complete my healing on the physical plane. But I have not yet finished my story, I have hardly begun. Get this......

So I went to bed elated and full of excitement and in the morning woke up with very strange pains, pains that I had never really before experienced, yet despite the pain I felt on a total high. At breakfast, Kerry informed me that yesterday her friends had called Maestro Femine and he had begun to work on me during the night! He told them exactly what kind of cancer I had, how many tumors and what was now happening to me physically. This knowledge came from thousands of miles away without seeing or talking to me and with no information on my condition. The Maestro only knew my name!!!!! So you see the jungle story is beginning here in Lima! And in the chic hairdressers where I went for a haircut, it felt as if tiny healing darts were being shot at me from the selva! Truly!  So clutching my breast and watching my hair go a kind of weird pink colour, I drank gallons of water just desperate to get out into the air and go home and sleep.

Now I sit here on this balmy evening, in the magic dress shop, writing this and feeling ready for the meeting tomorrow with Alberto, the Maestro's assistant. I know so soon I shall be amidst the mosquitos and crocodiles and wild and wonderful things of the jungle but  now I feel prepared, like an explorer going on a mission... a mission to learn as much as I can about all of this, so in the future, which I will have created, I will be able to help  many people with their own unique healings. This is all perfect, for this is the story I have created and I now have to live it wildly, passionately and full of trust.

We all write our own stories but it is our fantastic imaginations that can create all we dream about, our worlds within this world. So wherever you are begin to think what you would like to create with your magical imagination and I know that with conscious intent you truly, truly can create whatever you dream about. I can and will create this healing and I will share it with all of you in the hope it inspires you, in turn, to create more and more joy and magic and beauty in your lives and for all those around you.

So on that fabulously, postive note I shall say goodnight and stop worrying about my pink hair!!
With much love, Emily. xxx

Thursday, March 1, 2012

From the dress shop of Kerry, here in Lima, where today was a gentle day still trying to stay calm and deal with the surreal sensation of all that is happening. It is a hot sticky evening and slowly the plans are falling into place. Saturday night is probably a ceremony with the Shaman which will be super intense but right now I am focusing so strongly in simply being in the moment, the now, filling it with as much presence and strength as I am capable. I talked with Raquel this evening my friend, with who I built the children's home in Cusco. She is a nurse so we went over some tough medical details and decided there was no point knowing anything more as over and over again I have defied the Doctor's prognosis. I can only live this next phase as bravely as I am able, with no drama and as much trust as I am able. And wow despite everything this is still the most amazing adventure! So tonight I am going out with Kerry to a party to forget a little of all I have been thinking about.

It is amazing being here in Peru for the stories you listen to of so many of the people who live, here make my story seems like a fairy tale. My heart truly goes out to those who have chosen such tough lives, lives where so little joy shines through. Lives, where you could say the people are not living but just surviving. I created my story and I know we all do so playing the victim and the wimp right now does not serve me at all!! 

The other afternoon, Kerry and I were walking through the ancient Olive park on our way home for a late lunch. On the grass lay a beautiful woman with a Chow Chow. Kerry adores these dogs so we wandered over, sat on the grass and chatted to the owner. She opened up her soul to us and out poured a story of such sadness, such a sense of victim hood and hopelessness with prozac and thoughts of suicide that we walked away devastated. Her image was so contrary to what was going on inside her. And yet this little encounter made me feel  full of so much gratitude for all that happens in my life but it's richness is in love. The love of all who I love and love me and the love that I slowly every day, touch deep inside me that, has taken me so very long to find. All these gifts have come from walking with this cancer. I don't like that word and in my book I called my lumps Lolita. So from now on it is Lolita!!

Wow I am getting way too serious. I definitely need to go to this party and chill out a little!! And tomorrow it is a visit to the hairdresser. I think a little glass of champagne might do the trick and help the butterflies that keep fluttering around my stomach fly away. Or even a beer might do the trick!  If anyone has any better ideas then please let me know!!
Meanwhile wherever you all are have fun and a lovely evening.